Well, the last mini ride did not go as planned. That wasn't a bad thing, it just was. And after I stepped back and looked around, I realized I didn't want to be on a roller coaster any more. At least none of the rides I could see was anything I wanted to try. I walked away. I let go. I really started moving on in a different direction, right out of that amusement park. Of course, I kept looking back, wondering if I was doing the right thing, because there was still something about the old place, some part of me that wanted to be there. But I kept my feet moving away, just as all the wise people around me advised. 


And now, I am in a different place. I still glance back every now and then, but not too often. And I really have no interest in any piece of the old place in my life at all. I have some good memories of some good times. I met some great people there, some of which are still part of my life. But the pieces I walked away from will stay in my past.


Today I started a new ride. Yes, life certainly is a roller coaster. And I am choosing the rides carefully. I am figuring out just what I want and need. I am trying new rides, new types of coasters. I've rediscovered the joys in the ride.

I am on a mini coaster.  All week I have been slowly pulled up to the top by the chain that starts the ride. Tonight I am poised at the top, just before the chain lets go. Tomorrow afternoon I will start the plunge. Being a mini coaster, the highs and lows aren't too extreme. And the ride will be much shorter than the one that collapsed in December 2010. But it is a replica of that one and there are twists and turns yet to be discovered, despite the fact that I know all I ever wanted and more about the ride that collapsed. 

One day I hope to look back and see the spot where that ride used to be and remember the fun times even as I remember the cracks in the foundation as it collapsed with me on it.

But not yet. First this mini ride. Broken up by times of picking through the rubble of the broken one, saving anything that might be worth saving, and throwing away the rest of it. And then, probably some time away from the coasters. Some time to think about and sketch out what I want next, before drafting the blueprints. Only after I am sure those plans are exactly what I want will I return to the land of roller coasters and rides to build my ride, my way.