I am on a mini coaster.  All week I have been slowly pulled up to the top by the chain that starts the ride. Tonight I am poised at the top, just before the chain lets go. Tomorrow afternoon I will start the plunge. Being a mini coaster, the highs and lows aren't too extreme. And the ride will be much shorter than the one that collapsed in December 2010. But it is a replica of that one and there are twists and turns yet to be discovered, despite the fact that I know all I ever wanted and more about the ride that collapsed. 

One day I hope to look back and see the spot where that ride used to be and remember the fun times even as I remember the cracks in the foundation as it collapsed with me on it.

But not yet. First this mini ride. Broken up by times of picking through the rubble of the broken one, saving anything that might be worth saving, and throwing away the rest of it. And then, probably some time away from the coasters. Some time to think about and sketch out what I want next, before drafting the blueprints. Only after I am sure those plans are exactly what I want will I return to the land of roller coasters and rides to build my ride, my way.