Life after forgiveness means not letting the anger and bitterness creep back in and stay. I have decided to not build anything right now. I'm just going to enjoy what others have built and figure out what it is I want. I've done the research and know what I need to do to build a better foundation, one that is strong and long lasting. But I'm not ready to start construction just yet. I want to take some time to look around and enjoy my surroundings rather than study them and concentrate only on work.

I've spent so many years with my head down, trying to plow through all I had to do  - whether I had to do it or just thought I had to do it - that I want to spend some time now with my head up, looking around and sampling what is available. Adventure is not a big part of my personality. I don't chase it, crave it, or need a lot of it in my life. However, now that I have the opportunity to see what is out there in life, I am going to take it. I am not responsible for anyone else now and I am going to enjoy myself.

I have started by adding 2 new things to my weekly routine. I will add more as I find opportunities that match my interests and schedule. I'm thinking about a new direction; I will need to do more research and figure out if it is really something that will bring the benefits I am seeking to my life and bottom line.

I am also focusing on cleaning up the things that linger from choices I have made as an adult. I had a new slate about 10 years ago and didn't often act wisely in some areas.  I want to improve in those areas, especially since improvement will allow me to achieve dreams I have  that will not be possible otherwise.

I guess I'm finally growing up!

It finally happened. I truly forgave. I let go of the anger, hurt, and desire to hurt back. I cried as I let go, but I feel so much better. I feel so free. I feel so light. I feel the light. I feel ready to move on. I am moving on. I have moved on. I will continue to move on. I pushed old thoughts away today less frequently and with more ease than ever before. I am concentrating on ME, my life, my wants, my decisions.

The future feels promising for the first time in a very long time.

Now that almost everything is out of the old place and most of what I am keeping is in the new place, I am surprised how good I feel, how comfortable life is right now. Yes, there are moments of pain and tears. The pain is dull and hollow, the tears don't usually fall, and it all passes fairly quickly. The intensity of grief has softened into the beginnings of hope for the future. Sometimes this still surprises me, how the hope grows like new growth after a fire.


I'm also a little surprised at how I am choosing to spend my time right now. Most of the work at the old place is done. I stop by daily to get the mail, to check on the place, and sometimes to do one of the few remaining tasks I have to do there. I spend more time at the new place doing things I want to do. I don't mind the quiet life I am building here. I don't think this is how I want to spend the rest of my life, but as I continue to heal from the wounds of the fall, I am choosing to rehabilitate in this cozy place, filled with things I am choosing to keep in my life, decorated in colors I have chosen and that I enjoy.


I need to be less sedentary and still have plenty to sort through and put away or rearrange. I want to get back to exercising as much as possible and at least 3 times/week.

I have moved out of the old place completely. There are a few things still to empty out but most of it is gone and most of what I am taking with me is here. I continue to study my options, figure out what I want to build, what materials to use, how I want it to look, etc.  I look back less often every week. The future still holds excitement and promise but is right around the corner now instead of being somewhere still too far to see. Reminders of the past don't cause sharp pain any longer. There are still more changes to come - some by my own design, some by others' designs, but I know I will continue to adapt to what life brings. I intend to take more control of my life and be less passive and accepting about what others try to put on me. I plan to spend the rest of 2011 studying plans, trying out some new things, and then getting ready to fly in 2012.