So now I know I am not the only one feeling like this. The exact feelings are probably different, and we would probably choose different words to describe it. But overall, it is about relationships and being in them.

Lately I have felt like pulling away from all of them. But I won't let myself do that. If I did, it would be the end of me. It would be surrendering to the despair. For now there is one small shred of strength that keeps me holding on.

The strength was fed this weekend. The relevance was reinforced by those I need most in my life. Now to do the work that is needed to do - research, gearing up for big changes, probably moving sometime later this year.

Ironic, though, that which calms me also allows me a way to escape the tough decisions and work that is needed to move forward.

It feels more like a Ferris Wheel than a Roller Coaster right now.