I continue to work on the habit of joy. Most of the time, when my eyes fill with tears, I remember to think of all the wonderful things in my life and around me and the tears go away. Yesterday, though, I couldn't shake the old feelings. They weren't as strong, but I couldn't quite find the joy. Around 4 pm I got a phone call from someone I never want to speak to again. Being caught off guard, I didn't respond as I wish I had, though I don't regret the response I made. Next time, I'll just hang up right away.


The good news in all this is while the first emotional response was disgust and nausea, that faded and I didn't spend the rest of my day dwelling on the past. I pulled myself together and put myself back on the path of finding joy until I found it. Hopefully contact will soon be virtually impossible.


Today I stayed home. My head ached, I felt a cold coming on, and I just couldn't face work. I watched a lot of HGTV and crocheted. I ate mostly healthy and thought about family, work, friends, and other crochet projects I want to work on. I found myself again. Slowly the fear of living in fear is fading. I am taking the risks I can now and will take others when I have the opportunity. One day at a time. One moment of joy at a time.