New Year's Eve felt anticlimactic. I was babysitting the 3 granddaughters. It was a calm and mostly uneventful evening. I waited to hear the "click" of the door closing after the countdown to 2012 began but I never heard it. I think I heard it a few days earlier and I was just biding my time to start this year.


Day 2 and things are going well. My plans for the weekend changed. I ended up driving the college student back to campus, accompanied by her sister. We drove back to CT this morning and now I am home. I chose to focus on the positives of this change - more time with my girls, travel, and the free time I had for it. I had no major plans for yesterday afternoon and evening nor for today.


I find myself close to tears often, but am challenging that. I try to figure out why I feel like crying. I will no longer cave to the old habits of feeling sorry for myself. I am seeking the joy in life. I am creating the foundation to feel the things I want to feel - secure, loved, at peace. When I catch myself in old thinking patterns, I stop and concentrate on the joy in my life RIGHT NOW. I will no longer live for the future, but am living each day as it comes. I am not concerned with what I do not have in life right now, I am focusing on what I do have. And I have a lot!

• children and grandchildren who love me and enjoy time with me
• my mother, brothers, aunts, uncles, & cousins all who are only a FB post or phone call away
• friends who love me and who want to see me happy
• a church full of people I love and who love me
• a job I love
• an apartment that is mine - my decor, my stuff, my choices, mine to rearrange, my sanctuary
• reliable transportation - for work, to visit my family, to shop, to go out with friends
• enough money to pay the bills, buy groceries, buy clothes, travel to see my family, and some to give back to my community
• the strength to go on no matter what - and the many supports online that are helping me learn how to become the person I want to be

I am free to make mistakes and learn from them; to spend my time the way I choose; to find new interests, hobbies, activities; to eat healthier and to get back to regular exercise and physical activity; to pamper myself when I choose; to love myself for who I am.


I recently read a blog where the author used the word "solutions" instead of resolutions for her New Year's list. I really like that idea. And I reminded myself it is not my calling to be perfect, but to be loving and faithful. So, my Solutions for 2012:


1. Be joyful
2. Be healthy


That's it. One step at a time. I will continue to change my thinking to focus on being happy with what I have, taking care of my responsibilities (financially mostly), and to make a habit of eating healthy (healthier) and exercising daily - even if just to stretch.  Everything else will fall into place.