The ugly truth about 2010 was revealed to me in early December. The ugly truth continued to roll out all month. And it broke my heart. It left my dreams in pieces so small they look like a pile of ash. Actually, my heart looks a little like that, too. But the thing about hearts is there is always a core that cannot be broken or damaged in any way. And this core is what is keeping me going. It is strengthened by my faith in God, and by the most wonderful, supportive, and intelligent friends I could ever hope for. Oh, and some sick humor, music lyrics, and my kids & granddaughters - not necessarily in that order! <3
2011 is going to be my year to shine. I have a lot of polishing to do because I let myself become quite tarnished. I trusted. I gave all to someone who gave nothing back but lies and pain. I am getting off that ride. I can't allow myself to be tarnished like that again. I am worth so much more. And thanks to my friends and family, I have come to see this clearly. Even God told me this today on my drive home. I heard Him. I, who rarely listen, HEARD HIM.
I'm going to listen and heed. I'm going to get out the rags and the polish and go to work. I'm going to write about my transformation in a positive, introspective light rather than the scared, just cover the facts but barely way I usually do. I'm going to ride the roller coaster I choose. Not the broken one I rode for three years before buying it last year. I'm burning that one - burning it down to piles of ash that will become dust in the wind.
I'm not sure what the new ride will look like. But I'm going to build it myself. And I'm going to pay attention to the foundation - pay very careful attention to those details. I'm going to build it slowly and patiently and purposefully. My way. Though I hope God will keep talking to me and I hope I keep listening. I want to use His blueprints.
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