It's starting to happen more and more. I am getting stronger. Just like the song. I know there will be tough moments ahead when I don't feel strong at all. Last night was tough. I just didn't want to do any of this. Not that I have a choice. I just wanted the promise of the old ride back. I wanted my old life back the way I thought it was, not the way it really was. But life doesn't work that way. And so I let God have it. I told him how angry I was, how hurt I was, and asked why. WHY??!!

I didn't get any specific answers. And I didn't sleep very well. I woke often. It took me a while to fall asleep. And when I woke this morning there was a very heavy feeling in my heart. I didn't want to go to church. I just wanted to take some advil PM and go to bed all day. 

But I didn't. I got dressed and went to church. I sang in the choir. I cried through the service. But I was there with friends and my church family. And I'm so glad I went. 

I went shopping after that. Got groceries for a few days. Didn't mind that I am back to shopping for myself only. Didn't feel embarrassed about a marriage that lasted longer than one year. Saw a lot of couples shopping today and I didn't care. It didn't hurt that I don't have someone special like that in my life. And I didn't worry about when I would or if I would ever again.

I spent the afternoon at a friend's house, catching her up on the latest in this coaster drama. Shed some tears, laughed about undramatic things. Learned to knit - again. Came home, and have been calm all evening. 

Last night I was ready to ride off the ends of the earth. Tonight, I'm pretty calm. And am glad I didn't fall off the edge of anything. 

I'm a little bit stronger.